


Little Talks

by Rererewritten



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, SuperCorp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:54:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24203200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rererewritten/pseuds/Rererewritten
Summary: She sat down. Her eyes closed as she took a steadying breath. A chair scraped the floor nearby. Close. She opened her eyes to find Kara sitting in the chair right beside hers. She was close, though she remained facing forward, looking out the large window. She may have been imagining it, but Lena swore she could feel the warmth from the infinite sunlight coursing through the hero's veins radiating off her. She was so close.“Tell me everything that you know” Kara's voice was barely above a whisper, yet it echoed in Lena's head.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 15
Kudos: 221





	Little Talks

**Author's Note:**

> Kara and Lena have so much to say to each other. So much to explain and apologize for and demand apologies for. Honestly, the conversation they need to have would take up an entire episode, and we all know that is never going to happen. But I did think it would be a cool opening to start with a black screen and snippets of dialogue between them. Then the scene opening, with the camera focusing on various things throughout the apartment and close-ups of various parts of them as things like lighting and full and emptying glasses signaling the passage of time, all while snippets of their conversation is heard over it. It would be a good way to get important points said without needing to play out a complete conversation. It would also flow well from the delicate close of the previous episode.
> 
> Of course, that is far too creative and light-handed for the show (though, I will say, that silent moment when Lena entered Kara's apartment at the end of 5x18 showed a level of restraint of which I did not think the show capable). But, that was the thought when writing it. Combined with the theory that Lena was there all night that popped up when the stills from the finale came out (fwiw, I don't think that's the case, but I would be happy to be proven wrong).
> 
> Anyways, enjoy.

She sat down. Her eyes closed as she took a steadying breath. A chair scraped the floor nearby. Close. She opened her eyes to find Kara sitting in the chair right beside hers. She was close, though she remained facing forward, looking out the large window. She may have been imagining it, but Lena swore she could feel the warmth from the infinite sunlight coursing through the hero's veins radiating off her. She was so close.

“Tell me everything that you know” Kara's voice was barely above a whisper, yet it echoed in Lena's head.

\--------------

“I just need to understand. I want to understand.”

They were still seated, but Kara was looking at her now, her shoulders turned to her, ever so slightly.

“Please. I need you to explain it to me. In your words.”

“I never wanted anyone to have to feel the way you made me feel,” a tear traced down the side of her nose, untouched to avoid drawing attention to it. “I never wanted anyone to have to feel that type of hurt. So, I thought…I thought I could input a command into their brains ‘do no harm,’ And that would be it.”

\--------------

“You broke into the fortress. Called me a hypocrite.”

“You broke into my home and called me a villain.”

“…your balcony was open.”

“But you were not invited.”

\--------------

“Did you lead Lex to the Fortress?”

“What? I would never do something that put you in danger. Even when I was hurt beyond belief, I still…”

“Disarmed the Kryptonite cannons?” Kara supplied for her. 

Lena nodded, “I don’t know how Lex gained access to the fortress. He wanted me to tell him, but I refused, and he gave me the bracelet, and I…”

Kara waited, silently.

“It was a trick,” Lena realized with a sigh. “I am an idiot.”

\--------------

Shadows began to stretch across the floor as the sun lowered itself behind the city skyline.

\--------------

“I’m sorry.”

\--------------

“You were working with Lex,” fists clenched on the tabletop.

“You lied to me for years and then used my pain to sneak a virus into my program, Kara. Why would I trust you?”

“He has tried to kill you countless times, Lena. He has manipulated your emotions and thrown nothing but abuse at you for decades in an attempt to control you. Why would you trust him over me?” her voice faltered. A vulnerability in Kryptonian steel.

“I _didn’t_ trust him! I knew he would betray me eventually…because he has betrayed me every chance he’s gotten and I’ve always come back stronger, but you…I didn’t trust you either, but I knew that I would eventually, and I…I couldn’t survive another betrayal at your hands. The first one left me weaker than I’ve ever felt in my life.”

A scrape of the chair back. She needed some air.

\--------------

Two heartbeats raced loudly in her ears. Normally, she could tune out her own. But tonight everything inside her small apartment seemed so _loud._

\--------------

Long fingers pinched the bridge of a freckled nose in frustration, “It is not that the concept is bad, it’s that you were willing to take away people’s right to choose.”

“I know.”

“It just doesn’t make sense coming from you. You have always been about giving people a choice. Controlling people is Lillian and Lex’s deal. Not yours.”

“I know,” a heavy swallow pushed down the tickle of tears welling up.

“It doesn’t make sense.”

“I know. I don’t know what happened. It was as if I wasn’t me. As if I lost myself. I know that doesn’t excuse what I did, and even thinking about it now, I feel sick. I just…I figured that if I really was the villain that everybody said I was, then I should start acting like one and stop trying to go about doing things the right way because that only ever slowed me down.”

A barely heard chuckle.

“How is that funny?”

“Your darkest act was an attempt to rid the world of pain and suffering.”

A curtain of dark hair fell forward as she shook her head, “Most villains believe they fight for a noble cause. It is their methodology that makes them evil.”

\--------------

“I didn’t know…about the virus. I didn’t find out until after.”

A skeptical gaze studied her face intently, searching.

Pursed lips fought back anger at the memory, “I was furious when I did.”

\--------------

The evening sky was a couple shades shy of black and sun kissed fingertips flicked on the more lights. Socked feet shuffled back to the table to sit once more.

\--------------

“I can’t do this without you, but how do I know you weren’t sent here by Lex? How do I know that I can trust you?”

“How do I know I can trust _you_?” anger causing her voice to rise in pitch.

“I didn’t know about the virus,” she reminded.

“Did you not know you were Supergirl either?”

\--------------

“I should go.”

“No,” a hand reached out, but stopped just shy of settling on pale skin. “Please. Stay.”

\--------------

“I was so blinded by my own cause that I didn’t think of what it would mean for the future.”

“Such as?”

“I created a device that could control people’s minds. It could tamper their emotions. Their thoughts. Do whatever I told it to.”

“But you were just telling them to not harm each other. Plus, it sounds like it worked at the prison. They were all happy with how things were. I’m sure you could have fixed the issue with their survival instinct, and then you could present it on the market as a sort of therapy, rather than something to force on people. Think about how it could be used in hostage or hostile situations to calm people down to get through the moment. At its heart, it is a brilliant idea, Lena.”

“Kara, I created a device that could control people. Sure, I was only doing it to reduce harm, but there is no way I could guarantee it stayed in my hands forever. And now, now it hasn’t. Lex could never have built this on his own, but he can control what I created, and he has it now. It is in his hands. I was stupid to not see this outcome.”

“You weren’t stupid,” she gave her a glass of wine. “You were hurt.”

“I was foolish.”

\--------------

“You have to see the hypocrisy in that!”

“I wasn’t using it for harm, there is a difference!” she paced the floor.

“I didn’t think I was using it for harm either.”

“You were using it to harm me.”

“I _never_ harmed you.”

“You could’ve figured out another way to distribute the q-waves. You are the smartest being in this galaxy. You used myriad to get back at me. To make it personal.”

“Not everything is about you.”

“But wasn’t it?”

Deep red passed over pink lips as she drained the remaining wine in her glass.

\--------------

“I’m sorry.”

\--------------

“I never actually called you a villain…”

“I was aware of your semantics, yes.”

A relieved breath.

“Doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.”

\--------------

Heavy feet passed across the wooden floors, too many emotions bubbling up at once that they all came out as anger, “I walked on eggshells. I flew around the world for you. I did everything I could to help ease you into the idea of me being Supergirl, to show that I was still me and we were still us, and the entire time you were manipulating me,” she turned to her. “Using me.”

Green-blue eyes stared back at her in defiance.

“I know you have something to say. Say it.”

“I lied to you for a few weeks. You lied to me for _years_ , Kara. You used me for years. You manipulated me for years.”

“Lena, I never—“

“You never?” Lena stood. “You never used your relationship with me as Kara to benefit Supergirl’s work? You never used my desire to prove to Supergirl that I was not just some Luthor to aid with your investigative reporting? You never solicited our friends to spy on me? Kara, you were hugging me as Kara Danvers while accusing me of planning to harm you and Sam with kryptonite as Supergirl.”

She sank into a chair next to the island, “I don’t know how it all became so messed up.”

\--------------

“That night, at your place, I didn’t mean what I said.”

“What part?”

“All of it…I was terrified.”

“Of what?”

“I knew I wouldn’t be able to fight you if it came down to it. I knew I would die before raising a hand against you.”

A narrowed gaze, “You can’t know that.”

“Yes, I—“

“Kara.”

“Lena, I _lived_ it.”

“What are you talking about?”

\--------------

“I won’t apologize for that.”

“I wasn’t asking you to.”

\--------------

A burgundy jacket fell from soft shoulders, revealing a dark top. The sound of tea being prepared behind her tinkered in her ears.

\--------------

“I probably should knock more. I do tend to barge in on you.”

A tired sigh, “It would be untruthful to say I did not welcome your interruptions before…all of this.”

\--------------

“Kara…”

“No, it’s fine,” she huffed, rubbing her temple in frustration. “I’m not angry with you.”

“You are.”

“No--"

“If it weren’t for my science, Lex would never be able to pull this plan of his off.”

“The science behind your experiment is extraordinary,” Kara shook her head. “I shouldn’t be mad at you for that.”

“It's not just that.”

She frowned, “No, it’s not just that.”

“If it helps, the feeling is mutual.”

Kara opened her mouth to protest, but Lena cut her off.

“I'm still here, though.”

Kara's eyes traced her face before nodding, “Me too.”

\--------------

The lights in the surrounding buildings had switched off one-by-one until theirs were the only ones left.

\--------------

“You are not a villain.”

“I could be.”

“We all could be.”

\--------------

“I think about the early one a lot,” a fingernail picked at the granite corner of the island, accidentally chipping away a piece.

“The one where you lose everyone?”

“It actually wasn’t that different than this reality. Not really. We did a lot of the same things there that we did here. You just got the credit you deserved in that one.”

“There are a lot of logical holes in that reality that I don’t agree with,” she remarked in thought.

“Such as?”

“There are numerous people who have been close to Supergirl. Have any of them been kidnapped to blackmail you into identifying yourself?”

“Well, no…”

“Not to mention, you said you and I were invincible in that reality. In this reality, we stopped Agent of Liberty even though there was animosity between us at times. I just don’t see how he would manage to get the upper hand to such a degree that he would kill literally everyone that you love in a reality where we worked together the entire time. It just seems forced.”

\--------------

Pale fingers traced along the inside of the mug handle. Cold tea rested inside. It was her favorite brand.

\--------------

“How many times did you save me?”

“I don’t remember,” Kara spoke softly, her mouth twisting around the words.

“No more lies.”

“152." Kara could remember every single save. The only other person she could say that for was Alex. Many would still haunt her in her dreams. Even more so lately as she felt Lena slip farther and farther away and she feared more than ever that this time she wouldn’t be able to make it to her in time.

“Fuck,” Lena sank into her chair. She had counted all the times she knew of. On multiple occasions. Her count was at 32. That was 120 attempts on her life that she had never been aware of.

“You keep me employed,” Kara offered a small smile. A joke. An olive branch.

Lena let out a small laugh in reply. A step.

\--------------

A hand lowered black framed glasses to the table. She rubbed her eyes in exhaustion.

\--------------

“All because I didn’t trust you?”

Kara shook her head, tossing her empty beer bottle into the bin a little too forcefully. The glass, just as alien as the alcohol once inside of it, held strong.

“Put yourself in my shoes, Kara, did I have reason to trust you at that point?”

“No, no, it wasn't that,” Kara brushed past her as she moved away from the island and towards the living room.

“Then what?”

She could hear Lena walking towards her from behind.

“What was it that had you so…cold? I was just working on my project. I wasn’t working with Lex. He was just helping me.”

Kara stiffened and Lena stopped her approach

“I know you had concerns about the project and those were obviously valid, but you were so…cold. When I hadn’t harmed anyone. Before I could even test my project. At first, you were trying and you were remorseful, and then out of nowhere you were so cold.”

“I gave you a choice…”

“So it _was_ because I didn’t trust you.”

“I just said it wasn’t that.”

“Then what was it?”

“You didn’t choose me,” Kara turned on her heel to face her, her eyes stinging with tears. “I gave you a choice, and you didn’t choose me.”

“Newsflash, Kara, you didn’t choose me first,” Lena replied sharply. “I always, _always_ chose you. Above my family. Above my reputation. Above my career. I always put you first. Whatever you needed, I gave tenfold,” she bit out through tears of her own. “But you always chose your identity over me. 152? That’s how many times you saved me?”

“Yes," Kara stepped towards her, "and I would do it 152,000 more if that’s what it takes to--" 

“And how many times did you lie to me?”

Kara froze.

“I always chose you,” Lena nodded, her chin quivering, “and you always chose yourself.”

\--------------

“I’ve been a horrible friend.”

“It’s not as if I am one to judge at this point.”

\--------------

“You are brilliant.”

\--------------

“I wish I understood it better.”

“I'm glad you don’t,” Lena admitted, her feet curled beneath her on the couch.

“Why?”

Lena’s brow wrinkled as she stared down at the mug of fresh tea in her hands, “Because fully understanding it would require experience with it.”

“I just wish I could help you face him. I mean, you are capable of standing up to him on your own, but I just…I wish I knew how to make it easier.”

“You have made it easier.”

“I pushed you to him,” Kara moved to stand, but a tentative hand on her arm stopped her. Kara stared at it, trembling at the effort to stand as still as possible to not scare it off.

When it had become clear that Kara wasn’t moving, Lena pulled her hand away. It rested on the cushion between them

“You can’t say that I didn’t.”

Lena opened her mouth, but paused. _No more lies._ “No, I can’t.”

“Making you feel so alone that you felt he was your only option is something I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for. I should’ve known better.”

“Keeping me away from my abusive family isn’t your responsibility.”

“Keeping you safe is.”

“I need to be able to keep myself safe. I cannot rely on you--"

“Yes, you can.”

Lena leveled her with a look, causing a pout to fall on her bottom lip, “Every other person around the world gets on just fine without their own personal superhero looking out for them.”

“No other person in the world has as many attempts on their life.”

“Kara.”

“I’m not saying that you can’t take care of yourself,” Kara held her hands up in surrender. “Just that you shouldn’t have to.”

\--------------

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

\--------------

“I hated lying to you, but losing you was my worse fear.”

\--------------

Tired feet floated over the floor, a weightless body asleep in her arms.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Early morning rays streaming in through the many windows of the apartment.

“How long was I out for?” Lena asked, standing in the open doorway between Kara's bedroom and living room.

“Just a couple of hours,” blue eyes caught the sunlight as they looked up from behind a laptop. “You should get some more sleep. I...I have spare clothes you can change into to be more comfortable. They're still in the same drawer as before.”

“Did you sleep?”

“I don’t need as much sleep as humans, you know that.”

“But you still need _some_. Coffee?” she asked over her shoulder, headed towards the kitchen.

“Yes, please.”

\--------------

The warm mug was accepted tentatively. A shy smile and a quick thanks of gratitude signaled there was still a long ways to go before things were back to normal. But a step.

\--------------

“I feel like you’re waiting for me to say something, but I don’t know what it is,” Kara admitted, not looking up from her laptop.

Lena paused her own typing to look across the coffee table at Kara, “I was only waiting on an explanation as to why the balcony door in your bedroom that I know you always keep open was not only closed this morning, but welded shut.”

Kara's cheeks pinked, and she moved to push up the glasses that she wasn’t wearing.

They were still resting on the dining room table from the night before.

“I wasn’t trying to keep you here, if that’s what you think.”

“I would hope jumping out of the third story window is not something you are worried about me doing…”

Kara raised a slow eyebrow.

Lena raised a finger to silence her before she could get a word out, “I only jump off of things when someone is chasing me. Or if I am pushed!”

Kara chuckled, “Fair enough. I was just worried. Lex cannot be happy that you rejected him, and I didn’t know if he would know where you are, but then, I also didn’t want to just sit there and watch you sleep like a creep, plus I figured I should start looking into the leads you gave me about Leviathan…” a pause for air and confidence, “So…I figured melting the doors shut would slow down anyone trying to get to you long enough for me to dart in there.”

“To wake me up so that I could take part in saving myself?”

“Of course,” she quickly assured.

\--------------

A finger tapped on the mouse pad of a laptop. “44"

“44 what?”

“Times you saved my life. Either directly or through your kryptonite suit and shields.”

“44, huh?” Lena raised her coffee mug to her lips to hide her proud smile.

“I’d be dead if it weren’t for you.”

\--------------

“So, I will go home, grab a shower and a few things from my lab and meet you at this tower place?” she asked, fitting the last button on her jacket through its hole.

“Yes, and I will--” Kara cut herself off mid-sentence and turned to face the door. “Alex and Nia are here.”

Lena straightened as the door opened, feeling the two new gazes landing on her heavily.

Nia’s eyes darted from Lena to Kara and back again, before finally pointing at Alex, “She has a key, so she said it wasn’t breaking in.”

Alex rolled her eyes and walked into the apartment, Nia following, “I tried calling.”

“I forgot to charge my phone last night,” Kara replied evenly. She had the urge to step in front of Lena. To hide her or protect her, she wasn’t sure. She stayed where she was. “You could have just called my name.”

“I did,” Alex put her hands on her hips. “I guess you were too distracted to hear.”

Kara crossed her arms as Alex’s eyes narrowed on her sweater. It was the same one she had been wearing the day before. Alex had seen her in it.

“So…” Nia broke the silence with a nervous laugh, swinging her arms to clasp her hands in front of her.

“Lena is going to help us stop Lex and Leviathan,” Kara informed them, her shoulders squaring as she used the most confident Supergirl voice she could muster.

Lena nodded when Alex and Nia turned to her once more.

“It’s always great to have your help, Lena,” Alex offered a smile.

Lena gave a small one of her own, her shoulders relaxing, “I’m always happy to help.”

Kara could feel the broad smile breaking out on her face and was helpless to stop it as Lena’s ‘ _always’_ bounced around her head. A step. A leap.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song "Little Talks" by Of Monsters and Men


End file.
